Hugo Chávez

Voor we hem vergeten…

Hugo Chavez

Hij is dood.

Punten voor McDrank, Klaas, Tulf, De Dappere Man, Sophie, Jurjan, Jochum en Merino.

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3 reacties op “Hugo Chávez”

  1. Showan Zegt:

    Het is gewoon wachten op een Mexicaanse drugsoorlog. Dan ga ik scoren. Eigenlijk vind ik dat we kanckerpatienten volgend jaar moeten schrappen van de dodenlijst. Zo gemakkelijk. Bah.

  2. De Dappere Man Zegt:

    Eerste punten binnen…

  3. Tripel B. Zegt:

    A customer enters a pet shop.

    Customer: ‘Ello, I wish to register a complaint.

    (The owner does not respond.)

    C: ‘Ello, Miss?

    Owner: What do you mean “miss”?

    C: I’m sorry, I have a cold. I wish to make a complaint!

    O: We’re closin’ for lunch.

    C: Never mind that, my lad. I wish to complain about this dictator what I purchased not half an hour ago from this very boutique.

    O: Oh yes, the, uh, the Venezuelan Blue…What’s,uh…What’s wrong with it?

    C: I’ll tell you what’s wrong with it, my lad. ‘E’s dead, that’s what’s wrong with it!

    O: No, no, ‘e’s uh,…he’s resting.

    C: Look, matey, I know a dead dictator when I see one, and I’m looking at one right now.

    O: No no he’s not dead, he’s, he’s restin’! Remarkable man, the Venezuelan Blue, idn’it, ay? Beautiful plumage!

    C: The plumage don’t enter into it. It’s stone dead.

    O: Nononono, no, no! ‘E’s resting!

    C: All right then, if he’s restin’, I’ll wake him up!

    (shouting at the cage)

    ‘Ello, Mister Hugo Dictator! I’ve got a lovely fresh cuttle fish for you if you show…(owner hits the cage)

    O: There, he moved!

    C: No, he didn’t, that was you hitting the cage!

    O: I never!!

    C: Yes, you did!

    O: I never, never did anything…

    C: (yelling and hitting the cage repeatedly) ‘ELLO HUGO!!!!!

    Testing! Testing! Testing! Testing! This is your nine o’clock alarm call!

    (Takes dictator out of the cage and thumps its head on the counter. Throws it up in the air and watches it plummet to the floor.)

    C: Now that’s what I call a dead dictator.

    O: No, no…..No, ‘e’s stunned!

    C: STUNNED?!?

    O: Yeah! You stunned him, just as he was wakin’ up! Venezuelan Blues stun easily, major.

    C: Um…now look…now look, mate, I’ve definitely ‘ad enough of this. That dictator is definitely deceased, and when I purchased it not ‘alf an hour ago, you assured me that its total lack of movement was due to it bein’ tired and shagged out following a prolonged squawk.

    O: Well, he’s…he’s, ah…probably pining for the drugs.

    C: PININ’ for the DRUGS?!?!?!? What kind of talk is that?, look, why did he fall flat on his back the moment I got ‘im home?

    O: The Venezuelan Blue prefers kippin’ on it’s back! Remarkable man, id’nit, squire? Lovely plumage!

    C: Look, I took the liberty of examining that dictator when I got it home, and I discovered the only reason that it had been sitting on its perch in the first place was that it had been NAILED there.

    (pause)

    O: Well, o’course it was nailed there! If I hadn’t nailed that man down, it would have nuzzled up to those bars, bent ‘em apart with its beak, and VOOM! Feeweeweewee!

    C: “VOOM”?!? Mate, this man wouldn’t “voom” if you put four million volts through it! ‘E’s bleedin’ demised!

    O: No no! ‘E’s pining!

    C: ‘E’s not pinin’! ‘E’s passed on! This dictator is no more! He has ceased to be! ‘E’s expired and gone to meet ‘is maker!

    ‘E’s a stiff! Bereft of life, ‘e rests in peace! If you hadn’t nailed ‘im to the perch ‘e’d be pushing up the daisies!

    ‘Is metabolic processes are now ‘istory! ‘E’s off the twig!

    ‘E’s kicked the bucket, ‘e’s shuffled off ‘is mortal coil, run down the curtain and joined the bleedin’ choir invisibile!!

    THIS IS AN EX-DICTATOR!!

    (pause)

    O: Well, I’d better replace it, then.

    (he takes a quick peek behind the counter)

    O: Sorry squire, I’ve had a look ‘round the back of the shop, and uh, we’re right out of dictators.

    C: I see. I see, I get the picture.

    O: I got a slug.

    (pause)

    C: (sweet as sugar) Pray, does it talk?

    O: Nnnnot really.

    C: WELL IT’S HARDLY A BLOODY REPLACEMENT, IS IT?!!???!!?

    O: Look, if you go to my brother’s pet shop in Bolton, he’ll replace the dictator for you.

    C: Bolton, eh? Very well.

    The customer leaves.

    The customer enters the same pet shop. The owner is putting on a false moustache.

    C: This is Bolton, is it?

    O: (with a fake mustache) No, it’s Ipswitch.

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